“The Gregorian calendar divulges a Sunday, time? The ‘culprit’ hardly reminiscences but it had to be dark I contemplate, my skin-tone agrees too. I don’t think I actually cried because no one told me otherwise. Any evidence is probably other babies’ bawling at that very moment.” HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Ole Roemer did believe that light was the fastest, I doubt he heard about this LIFE thing. How we go from zero to twenty in a jiffy is quite a mystery itself. It was only yesterday when you were crying out to someone for everything, just as a child should! But here you’re, so devoted to making sure they’re recompensed for every smile they gave you. For everything they sacrificed to make sure you’re here today. Seems like it was only yesterday when I ran around the room, slid and feel, cried and heard my mother pounding the floor for hurting me. And now, I beat myself whenever I fall down, I have to pick myself up. Whenever I make a mistake, I take full responsibility for it. Scary!
Growth is actually daunting you know, you wake up one day and you can’t stop thinking about what the future holds for you, not what mummy will cook tonight! It forces you to own your life choices, your future, and your priorities as well. It is tough but I am not there yet.
Anyway, falling back a bit, what does life mean for a 24 year old man, soon getting out in to the wilderness with only a prayer to cling on to? Fear of comfort and retardation has forced him to believe that going back home will stall his growth. That he needs to stay out in the cold, fighting with the wolves in order to get bread. Squints all around, ready to critic his every move. Being forced to hide his human nature because a mistake would label him a failure. Harsh! He is then driven to ask himself sometimes, ‘WHAT IF?’
What does life mean for a first born son, first of five brilliant children? He is undoubtedly termed as a pace setter. His younger’s ray of hope and inspiration pool. He still cries whenever he sees his mother struggling because he can’t do much, He was caged into a ‘perfection’ prison right from the moment he first saw the light. Fate, some would call it! An optimist did term it as ‘purpose’ but a pessimist said it was ‘punishment’. It’s quite a push in life since it creates a compulsion to achieve big with trifling mistakes but also creates room for ‘WHAT Ifs?’
What does life mean for a young surveyor, the one who had to scorch for motivation to start embracing the course? He that had to drop a dream to partake on a non-negotiable the universe offered. He who sacrificed so that his siblings could dream better. Yes him? Even if he did crack the code at some point, he is still unsure if the sacrifice was worth it because of the ‘WHAT Ifs?’ Just like everyone else, he is worried too.
What does life mean for a friend? Just a friend! A friend with commitment issues from his past. To an extent that he chose to be close to a few but free and genuine to many. Sure it gives off that ‘hypocrite’ energy but he doesn’t hate you. “My smile is always real” he says. You just need to know him well enough to play cards with him. ‘Death!’ ‘Trauma!’ Losing someone that meant a lot to you without them saying even a mere ‘goodbye’ hurts. It leaves you questioning a lot about trust. Because it seems people are only here temporarily. So, he still struggles with opening up to many people. Cut him some slack! He probably thinks everyone else will leave him just like before. There are no ‘what ifs’ here, I am just getting this off my chest.
Life means something different to every other person, some people think of it has based on purpose while others just want to live. But regardless of what it means to you, Life sometimes seems meaningless. You were given birth to and now you have fend for yourself a few years later. You woke up a first born and now you’re a ‘pace setter’ for your siblings. Everyone has some level of expectation from you, even a stranger at some point. It’s probably because we are quick to expect from something, or someone knowing very well that they’re only temporary. This pressure makes us scared because, what if we disappoint?
There are days when life seems like it’s a pre-planned adventure where every move you make was already calculated, like a chess pawn. Then there are days when it is all in shambles where everything seems to be working against you. Just confusing.
Despite all these, what gives Life meaning is hope. Hope from within ourselves, hope from those who love you, hope from the supernatural. All these make us go to bed yearning for dawn. Hope for a better tomorrow keeps us on track. A promise that tough times will pass keeps us grinding every day.
This piece was never written out of experience, it was written out of Hope because just like many of you, I am scared of tomorrow too. We have continuously drowned our thoughts in wide smiles because we hope that tomorrow, the sun will shine brightest. It helps us to avoid those ‘WHAT Ifs?’
I have no single answer for any ‘What ifs?’ but what I am most certain of is, I have a God, I have a family that loves and prays for me and a bunch of friends who believe in me. With these force, I believe I can put up a good fight in this life thing. So I am less scared because I have the best people to share my pain and joy with. That is what keeps me going. That is what gives my Life meaning.
“I am just a guy with a pen.” ~ The Imperfect Writer.
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